Preparing

I've avoided blogging the last few weeks. Matter of fact, I haven't spent much time on the computer at all. Maybe 15 or 20 minutes here and there. Every time I went to put up a new post, I couldn't seem to get past the first sentence. And then it'd hang there until I'd go back and edit the post. Another first sentence to leave behind. I have decided that if I'm going to do any blogging any time soon, I had better be getting one up. Now. So here I am.

This time next week will find me in a hospital bed. I am to report for registration at 6am next Monday morning. I have gone from crying because I'm not ready for a hysterectomy to crying because the day cannot come soon enough. Some days are not bad. Others it takes everything I have to get through the work day before I come home and give up on the couch. I find myself nesting to get ready for what's to come. Today has been a good day. My kitchen is clean, laundry almost caught up, my furniture dusted and the pain has been sporadic meaning I can get things accomplished as long as I take a break in between tasks. I caught up on work at the office so that the mound that awaits me when I return isn't as bad as it could be. By the time I go to bed tomorrow, I hope to have my floors mopped, my carpets vacuumed and my laundry finished. One can always hope, right?

I also nest to avoid the obvious. Now is when I start to get anxious. I am facing an unknown and I am ready but I'm not. So I keep busy, as busy as possible, to keep from thinking. To keep from worrying. To keep from panicking. I long for this week to be over. For them to knock me out and be done and at the same time I long for this week to never end so I don't have to face my fears.

It's moving quickly. Too quickly, I'm afraid.

The kids are excited as they approach the end of the school year. By the end of next week, Bryce will be a middle schooler. He has finished band concerts for this year and is done with practices. Brady and Belle's final concert is tomorrow now. Actually, if Brady doesn't get sick again, it will be his first and final concert for this year. We shall see how this plays out. All three kids have done well this year and are moving up to the next grade levels, excited about what next year could bring for them. I look at these kids and wonder how did I get so lucky.

Yes, I'm sentimental. Or hormonal. Or both. There's no telling at this point. Don't be surprised if you see me and one minute I'm laughing and the next I'm crying. I am to that point as well.

Lord help my husband. He's going to have his hands full the next few weeks. I'm not afraid to admit that.

For now, I'm off to bed, hoping for dreamless, painless sleep. Got to be ready for more nesting, right?