Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Winter Blues

It seems I get at least a touch of them every year and this year is no different.

And I hate it.

I crave sunlight and fresh air to clear my head.  To get outside and move around and not feel confined by the walls crowding in on me.  I know that if I am suffering from it that my family must be, too, but it's hard to remember that at 6am when the boys are arguing (again!!!) and Belle is arguing with every word I say.

Did you know the sky isn't blue?  If I say it is then it must not be true because according to Belle everything that I say is wrong.  Up is down and left is right and rightiswrongandohmygoshchildstop TALKING OVER ME AND LISTEN...

And then I feel bad, because it's not their fault. I know it is just the time of year and add a bit of hormones and a touch of uncertainty and I get this tangle of emotions that I struggle to control. Tears flow easily  for no reason at all it seems. Not only am I fighting every waking hour to keep control but my unconscious is fighting me, too. Dreams that linger long after I wake, tears flowing from the cruelty I inflict upon my self .  Then I put my mask on and go to work and hope it doesn't crack until I can get to bed again. Tomorrow's another day right?

Hurry, spring, hurry! My family needs you!


mr_e said...

it was 50 here today I am still waiting for winter

ShortyMom said...

It has been a very mild winter here. Hate that it's dark or almost dark when I get off work so getting out and going for walks is still out of the question until spring.