And I failed.
Failed is such a harsh word. And I didn't. That's so much nicer.
I could bore you with the majority of the last few weeks. Get the kids ready for school. Go to work. Go home. Cook supper. Put the kids to bed. Go to bed. Rinse. Repeat.
So exciting, huh?
So we'll skip to the more recent stuff. Like baptisms. And babies. And wires.
This past Sunday, Bryce went up and wanted to be baptised. So this Sunday morning, he will be baptised at our home church. Given my history on the subject, I have mixed feelings. I am excited for him. I am relieved. I am jealous. I am, I am, I am so many things. But for him I will be happy.
After church, my neighbor (who is no longer my neighbor after selling her house) brought her new baby for me to see. New as in one week old. New baby smell. And little fingers and toes. Little nose and burps. Little yawns and little smiles. And that baby ache was back all over again. Little Little Man is the 4th baby that I know of born in the past two weeks.
Deep breathing does not help this ache. Spending time with them does but not when I have to give them up again. But listening to the newborn and the big brother cry in the car together does. A little. Sometimes.
I took this picture today while sitting at the office.
I was wired. Literally. Have I mentioned that my heart and I don't see eye to eye? That it likes to race when I am sitting down and doing absolutely nothing? It does and I really don't see why it feels the need to do this because I haven't done anything to it. But it continues to race. Finally, about six months ago, I got tired of it and went back to my doctor. He put me on some meds that haven't seemed to help one bit so I went back yesterday for my follow up. And I complained. So he wired me up. What you see is the wires attached to the electrodes stuck to my chest (that left marks that I figure will be there until this time next year) and the machine recording my heart rate that was nicely tucked in my back pocket. I haven't worn one of these darn things in 10 years and I was grateful when they took it off this afternoon. I had itches that were dying to be scratched. Next step?
A visit to the cardiologist.
Here in the next week or two, when my results come back from my monitor, I will go back to the clinic to meet my cardiologist. I thought I was ready for this step. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. But I'm not so sure I'm ready for this step. Not like I have a choice but I can have an opinion, right? Or worries? More will come I'm sure as this part of my story unfolds, but today I could say I was wired.
Now I am going to jump back into my routine. The kids are in bed, the dishes are washing, the laundry is in the washer waiting for morning and I am joining the kiddos and going to bed. Sleeping while wired was just so much fun!