Today started off as a wonderful day. I stopped to get a drink at the local convenience store on my way to work when the lady I've seen then a million times asked me if I was on my way to school. She did a double take when I told her I was on my way to work.
"You don't look old enough to go to work," she said.
"I have three children."
"Nuh uh."
"My oldest is 12."
She was floored. Said she thought I was like 17 or 18. I told her I'd take it. I didn't realize then the affect her remark would have on me tonight.
I haven't been completely honest with you or with myself. Yes, I have got a serious case of baby-itis. Yes, I was on a heart monitor last week. Yes, there are plenty of people who saw Bryce baptised last weekend, including Ladybird's parents. But what I have failed to mention in my most recent posts is that I have been to see two doctors on three different occasions in the last week and a half and not one of them was my cardiologist. As a matter of fact, I have yet to see him or even hear those results. I have been in pain for the last three and a half weeks so I had appointments to have that checked when I had my heart checked. Today, I was given news.
Hysterectomy.
At 32.
I'm stunned. I've cried more tears than I have cried in a very long time. While I have never been opposed to the idea, especially if it meant that it would help take care of my migraines, I never believed that it would be a possibility at 32 years old. I never realized how strong my irrational hope is that one of those months where things went wrong it was because there was a baby, not because there was a problem. Yes I have three, healthy, happy, beautiful children and I am so thankful for them. Now the reality is the fact I have them is amazing. That still doesn't ease this blow. It doesn't change the fact that I am at that age where I should be having baby-itis not life altering surgeries.
Here in the very near future, I will be undergoing an MRI in preparation for the actual procedure. A requirement because I am apparently unique. Even my ultrasound tech asked me if I was tired of being an anomaly. Today I am. Tomorrow, we'll see. Tonight I'm numb as I process everything that I was told today and hope that tomorrow will show things in a new light.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Baptisms, Babies, and Wires
Yes, I admit, I did it. Again. I put up a post and was determined to put up another post. And another. And another!
And I failed.
Failed is such a harsh word. And I didn't. That's so much nicer.
I could bore you with the majority of the last few weeks. Get the kids ready for school. Go to work. Go home. Cook supper. Put the kids to bed. Go to bed. Rinse. Repeat.
So exciting, huh?
So we'll skip to the more recent stuff. Like baptisms. And babies. And wires.
This past Sunday, Bryce went up and wanted to be baptised. So this Sunday morning, he will be baptised at our home church. Given my history on the subject, I have mixed feelings. I am excited for him. I am relieved. I am jealous. I am, I am, I am so many things. But for him I will be happy.
After church, my neighbor (who is no longer my neighbor after selling her house) brought her new baby for me to see. New as in one week old. New baby smell. And little fingers and toes. Little nose and burps. Little yawns and little smiles. And that baby ache was back all over again. Little Little Man is the 4th baby that I know of born in the past two weeks.
Fourth.
Deep breathing does not help this ache. Spending time with them does but not when I have to give them up again. But listening to the newborn and the big brother cry in the car together does. A little. Sometimes.
I took this picture today while sitting at the office.
And I failed.
Failed is such a harsh word. And I didn't. That's so much nicer.
I could bore you with the majority of the last few weeks. Get the kids ready for school. Go to work. Go home. Cook supper. Put the kids to bed. Go to bed. Rinse. Repeat.
So exciting, huh?
So we'll skip to the more recent stuff. Like baptisms. And babies. And wires.
This past Sunday, Bryce went up and wanted to be baptised. So this Sunday morning, he will be baptised at our home church. Given my history on the subject, I have mixed feelings. I am excited for him. I am relieved. I am jealous. I am, I am, I am so many things. But for him I will be happy.
After church, my neighbor (who is no longer my neighbor after selling her house) brought her new baby for me to see. New as in one week old. New baby smell. And little fingers and toes. Little nose and burps. Little yawns and little smiles. And that baby ache was back all over again. Little Little Man is the 4th baby that I know of born in the past two weeks.
Fourth.
Deep breathing does not help this ache. Spending time with them does but not when I have to give them up again. But listening to the newborn and the big brother cry in the car together does. A little. Sometimes.
I took this picture today while sitting at the office.
I was wired. Literally. Have I mentioned that my heart and I don't see eye to eye? That it likes to race when I am sitting down and doing absolutely nothing? It does and I really don't see why it feels the need to do this because I haven't done anything to it. But it continues to race. Finally, about six months ago, I got tired of it and went back to my doctor. He put me on some meds that haven't seemed to help one bit so I went back yesterday for my follow up. And I complained. So he wired me up. What you see is the wires attached to the electrodes stuck to my chest (that left marks that I figure will be there until this time next year) and the machine recording my heart rate that was nicely tucked in my back pocket. I haven't worn one of these darn things in 10 years and I was grateful when they took it off this afternoon. I had itches that were dying to be scratched. Next step?
A visit to the cardiologist.
Here in the next week or two, when my results come back from my monitor, I will go back to the clinic to meet my cardiologist. I thought I was ready for this step. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. But I'm not so sure I'm ready for this step. Not like I have a choice but I can have an opinion, right? Or worries? More will come I'm sure as this part of my story unfolds, but today I could say I was wired.
Now I am going to jump back into my routine. The kids are in bed, the dishes are washing, the laundry is in the washer waiting for morning and I am joining the kiddos and going to bed. Sleeping while wired was just so much fun!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Wow! It's a Real Post! First Time in Months!
I've been sitting here glancing back at this screen trying to decide how to start. It's been so long since I've put up a real post that I have forgotten how! Do I start at the beginning and work my way through? Do I start at the most recent and work my way back? Do I start in the middle where my head usually ends up and try to make heads or tails of it? Decisions! So I figure my best bet is to download all the pictures I want to share and go from there. So here we go.
Football season and cheerleading came to an end right around the first of October. We had a little bit of "sibling" rivalry around that time as well.
Callie was sitting there first and there was no way Zeus was going to let her have me all to herself!
Around the middle of October, we traveled to Indiana where we had pictures made of the kids. These are just a few of my favorites out of the 70 pictures that were taken.
It turned off very cold up there that weekend so by the time we got to the pictures of all three kids together, they were freezing! Belle had been out of her coat the longest by that point so her smiles were a little "frozen". My sister-in-law trimmed up all their hair and fixed Belle's so that it would curl because those curls? Are natural! How I love that beautiful hair! When sister-in-law got done with her hair, Belle replied, "It's too poofy!" Belle hates the curly hair with a passion. So to pacify her, the front part was pulled back. It was still too poofy according to Belle but at that point my response was, "deal with it." No way was I going to straighten all those curls for pictures!
We had Belle's party the week before her birthday and me being me, I forgot to take pictures until the very end. By that point, the girls were burnt out on bowling and had moved onto other things. Here's Belle blowing out her candles.
We ended up going to Mississippi at the end of October when Hubby's grandmother passed away. That meant Bryce's birthday celebration had to be postponed a week and the kids went trick or treating in Mississippi. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my camera so I have no pictures of the kids costumes. Brady was a ninja, Bryce was a grim reaper and Belle was a witch. The kids had a ball trick or treating and then went with Hubby, his sister and her boyfriend, aunt and cousin to their church for a Halloween festival. They went through a haunted trail, played plenty of games and came home with more stuff than any child needs! 
I had two New Years resolutions. One was to be in bed when the new year began. The second was to sleep in the next morning. I'm proud to say that I kept both of my resolutions for the first time ever! I am definitely going to have to try to have these same types of resolutions every year so that they are easy to achieve and not so devastating when I don't. You have to aim high, you know!
And let me tell you how this work thing has been keeping me crazy busy. We had the pictures of the kids made in October and I just got three of them up on the wall last week!
It took me three months to get those three pictures into frames! I still haven't gotten one up on the wall of the three of them together yet nor have I framed the ones that I had printed for my desk at the office. I have been running so much with the kids and work that even the animals are stressing. Here's Zeus giving me lovin' this past weekend.
He was so excited to be able to spend time with me! I didn't think I was ever going to get him to let me up.
Saturday morning, Brady had to be at my former elementary school for a game while Bryce had to be at their school for his game within an hour of each other. So Hubby to Bryce to his game and I took Brady to his. When Brady and I got home, we found this dog sitting on the carport step. Like she lived here!I got out of the car and she met me slowly trying to decide if she could trust me. When she figured out she could, she thought she should come in! We left her outside that day because we were still running for Belle's ballgame hoping that maybe someone would come around looking for her. We put food and water down for her but she still wanted in every chance the door was opened. Finally Sunday we felt sorry for her and let her inside. Called the animal shelter Monday and left my name, checked the lost and found in the paper and checked craigslist. No such luck. She is now inside, thinking that she is queen and that she belongs on the couches and beds. She is a sweet dog, doesn't care if Gracie and Cheech bother her and she ignores the cats. She loves the kids and is fully house trained! It breaks my heart to think that someone could've dropped such a sweet girl!
That brings me to right now. I am currently waiting on Belle to go to bed so that I can go to bed. While this new dog is sweet, she is also stubborn because she likes to scratch at the side of the bed to see if I'm going to give in and let her up in my bed. Not going to happen but still keeping me from sleeping a good nights sleep until she realizes that I'm going to win this battle! I have also decided that since it seems that the dog is going to be staying around for a while, that she needs a name. I like the sound of Daisy for her and Belle agrees so she may be becoming a Daisy in the very near future. Now that the kids are all in bed, finally, I am going to join them at 9pm. And maybe it won't take me near as long to get my next post up. Maybe.
Football season and cheerleading came to an end right around the first of October. We had a little bit of "sibling" rivalry around that time as well.
Callie was sitting there first and there was no way Zeus was going to let her have me all to herself!Around the middle of October, we traveled to Indiana where we had pictures made of the kids. These are just a few of my favorites out of the 70 pictures that were taken.
It turned off very cold up there that weekend so by the time we got to the pictures of all three kids together, they were freezing! Belle had been out of her coat the longest by that point so her smiles were a little "frozen". My sister-in-law trimmed up all their hair and fixed Belle's so that it would curl because those curls? Are natural! How I love that beautiful hair! When sister-in-law got done with her hair, Belle replied, "It's too poofy!" Belle hates the curly hair with a passion. So to pacify her, the front part was pulled back. It was still too poofy according to Belle but at that point my response was, "deal with it." No way was I going to straighten all those curls for pictures!We had Belle's party the week before her birthday and me being me, I forgot to take pictures until the very end. By that point, the girls were burnt out on bowling and had moved onto other things. Here's Belle blowing out her candles.
We ended up going to Mississippi at the end of October when Hubby's grandmother passed away. That meant Bryce's birthday celebration had to be postponed a week and the kids went trick or treating in Mississippi. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my camera so I have no pictures of the kids costumes. Brady was a ninja, Bryce was a grim reaper and Belle was a witch. The kids had a ball trick or treating and then went with Hubby, his sister and her boyfriend, aunt and cousin to their church for a Halloween festival. They went through a haunted trail, played plenty of games and came home with more stuff than any child needs! Bryce was afraid that if he had a birthday party, no one would come so as an alternative I told him instead of picking out seven friends to invite, he could invite two people, we would go out for pizza and take everyone to a movie. He loved the idea, picked a couple of friends and we took them to see "A Christmas Carol" in 3-D. It was a great movie and the kids loved the visual effects! Hubby and I loved seeing the kids reaching out at the screen trying to catch falling snowflakes! Here's a picture of Bryce blowing out his candles with the family.
The week football and cheerleading ended was the same week basketball team placements were held. Bryce is a 6th grader this year so he is playing on a sixth grade team with a coach that he had a couple of years ago. Belle was given the opportunity to play up on the 6th grade team this year and she jumped at the chance. She has the same coach she had last year. Brady is playing on a 4th and 5th grade team and also has the same coach as last year. One of my next tasks is to get a picture of them in their basketball uniforms because I have failed to that at this point. I really need to be doing that since this weekend is the last of their regular season games before tournaments start the following weekend!
Also in November, we lost our darling dog, Sophie. She had gotten to where she wasn't eating a whole lot and then suddenly she stopped eating at all. She stayed under my feet from the time she got up until the time I went to bed. Then I got up one morning and she was gone. Thankfully Hubby was here and had her buried before Brady got up because we knew that of all the kids he would be the one to be the most upset. She is greatly missed and I still haven't gotten out of the habit of calling for "Sophie, Gracie, Chi Chi!" Maybe I'll be able to adjust soon.
Thanksgiving was up in the air until the last minute. We picked up everything we needed to fix the meal but Mom was having minor surgery the day before so where we were having dinner was a toss-up. So the plan was that I would cook dinner at my house unless Mom was up to having company, then I would cook dinner at her house so she didn't have to get out. Thanksgiving morning I got the call that she was up for dinner, so to her house we went! I can't tell you when the last time it was that I cooked the majority of the Thanksgiving meal (Hubby fried the turkey this time) but we pulled it off without a hitch! Talk about a sigh of relief!
The time up until Christmas was crazy insane. The kids had six basketball practices each week and each one of them had an after school music lesson of some sort each week as well. Christmas week, the kids were out of school and Hubby didn't have to work so he stayed home with them while I worked. We spent most of Christmas Eve with Mom and Dad as well as my brother and his girlfriend. Christmas morning, the kids were up bright and early just waiting for their chance to see what they got.
I had two New Years resolutions. One was to be in bed when the new year began. The second was to sleep in the next morning. I'm proud to say that I kept both of my resolutions for the first time ever! I am definitely going to have to try to have these same types of resolutions every year so that they are easy to achieve and not so devastating when I don't. You have to aim high, you know!And let me tell you how this work thing has been keeping me crazy busy. We had the pictures of the kids made in October and I just got three of them up on the wall last week!
It took me three months to get those three pictures into frames! I still haven't gotten one up on the wall of the three of them together yet nor have I framed the ones that I had printed for my desk at the office. I have been running so much with the kids and work that even the animals are stressing. Here's Zeus giving me lovin' this past weekend.He was so excited to be able to spend time with me! I didn't think I was ever going to get him to let me up.Saturday morning, Brady had to be at my former elementary school for a game while Bryce had to be at their school for his game within an hour of each other. So Hubby to Bryce to his game and I took Brady to his. When Brady and I got home, we found this dog sitting on the carport step. Like she lived here!I got out of the car and she met me slowly trying to decide if she could trust me. When she figured out she could, she thought she should come in! We left her outside that day because we were still running for Belle's ballgame hoping that maybe someone would come around looking for her. We put food and water down for her but she still wanted in every chance the door was opened. Finally Sunday we felt sorry for her and let her inside. Called the animal shelter Monday and left my name, checked the lost and found in the paper and checked craigslist. No such luck. She is now inside, thinking that she is queen and that she belongs on the couches and beds. She is a sweet dog, doesn't care if Gracie and Cheech bother her and she ignores the cats. She loves the kids and is fully house trained! It breaks my heart to think that someone could've dropped such a sweet girl!
That brings me to right now. I am currently waiting on Belle to go to bed so that I can go to bed. While this new dog is sweet, she is also stubborn because she likes to scratch at the side of the bed to see if I'm going to give in and let her up in my bed. Not going to happen but still keeping me from sleeping a good nights sleep until she realizes that I'm going to win this battle! I have also decided that since it seems that the dog is going to be staying around for a while, that she needs a name. I like the sound of Daisy for her and Belle agrees so she may be becoming a Daisy in the very near future. Now that the kids are all in bed, finally, I am going to join them at 9pm. And maybe it won't take me near as long to get my next post up. Maybe.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Letting You Know
Stopping by to let my few readers know that I am still alive and kicking. I hope to have a real post up soon but until then, a video of a song that I introduced to the kids this week and they absolutely loved!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Changes
There has been so many changes going on around the house over the last few weeks that I never know where to start. Brady turned 9 a week ago and here he is on his birthday. The school started a new thing this year where parents can come in and eat breakfast or lunch on their child's birthday so I chose to eat breakfast with Brady that morning. Then went straight into work.
Saturday morning, we had a football game. Here are the pictures I promised of Brady and Belle on the previouse Saturday, Belle's first game and Brady's second.
Have I mentioned Belle's latest distaste for having her picture taken? I threatened today that if I take one picture of her scowl she was going to be grounded for a month.
Then after the game, I picked up a cake and ice cream so we could go to the local bowling alley for Brady's birthday party. Out of 7 invitations, two kids came, so we invited the neighbor's daughter to join us. Despite the low turnout, Brady had a great time.
Dad picked Bryce up from band practice on Tuesday and brought him to me at work. Bryce came inside, said "Pepaw's got a flower for you," and sat down. A flower? That was unexpected. So I walked outside to unlock the van and he had brought me this. 
I've had three different clippings of that plant and every time I tried to start it, Callie and Zeus has ripped it to shreds so this time? Mom sent me more than a clipping. She practically sent me a plant! Now I need to get me a hanging pot in which to plant it.
Also last week, I had to take the kids in to have their eyes checked. Brady could not sit on the couch to watch tv, he was constantly planted four feet in front of it. We found that Bryce has a slight astigmatism but we could get him glasses or wait. I chose to wait since he really hadn't complained about his eyes. Belle has a slight astigmatism as well but needed reading glasses. According to her dr, wearing the reading glasses will ease the strain on her eyes when she's not reading. We'll see what happens.
Poor Brady was near-sighted. There was just no way he could go without glasses. He is to wear them when he's not on the playground or playing football.
Tomorrow is their first day of school with their new found eye sight. I just hope that it isn't as stressful as Brady fears it will be.
As for me, work is wearing me out. That and not sleeping. I had every intention on putting in another hour and a half tonight, but I sat down in this chair and decided that I would post a few pictures, put up a new blog, put some football pads in a uniform and go to bed. So here in about 10 minutes, that is where I intend on being. Bed. Doesn't that sound wonderful? So with that I'm going to leave you a self portrait Belle took today after getting her glasses. She'll smile for herself but scowl for me...
Saturday morning, we had a football game. Here are the pictures I promised of Brady and Belle on the previouse Saturday, Belle's first game and Brady's second.Have I mentioned Belle's latest distaste for having her picture taken? I threatened today that if I take one picture of her scowl she was going to be grounded for a month.Then after the game, I picked up a cake and ice cream so we could go to the local bowling alley for Brady's birthday party. Out of 7 invitations, two kids came, so we invited the neighbor's daughter to join us. Despite the low turnout, Brady had a great time.
Dad picked Bryce up from band practice on Tuesday and brought him to me at work. Bryce came inside, said "Pepaw's got a flower for you," and sat down. A flower? That was unexpected. So I walked outside to unlock the van and he had brought me this. 
I've had three different clippings of that plant and every time I tried to start it, Callie and Zeus has ripped it to shreds so this time? Mom sent me more than a clipping. She practically sent me a plant! Now I need to get me a hanging pot in which to plant it.Also last week, I had to take the kids in to have their eyes checked. Brady could not sit on the couch to watch tv, he was constantly planted four feet in front of it. We found that Bryce has a slight astigmatism but we could get him glasses or wait. I chose to wait since he really hadn't complained about his eyes. Belle has a slight astigmatism as well but needed reading glasses. According to her dr, wearing the reading glasses will ease the strain on her eyes when she's not reading. We'll see what happens.
Poor Brady was near-sighted. There was just no way he could go without glasses. He is to wear them when he's not on the playground or playing football.
Tomorrow is their first day of school with their new found eye sight. I just hope that it isn't as stressful as Brady fears it will be.As for me, work is wearing me out. That and not sleeping. I had every intention on putting in another hour and a half tonight, but I sat down in this chair and decided that I would post a few pictures, put up a new blog, put some football pads in a uniform and go to bed. So here in about 10 minutes, that is where I intend on being. Bed. Doesn't that sound wonderful? So with that I'm going to leave you a self portrait Belle took today after getting her glasses. She'll smile for herself but scowl for me...
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