Life

Life for me has been all over the map the last few months. I had every intention on posting more as I felt better. And I do feel better. And I don't. I don't hurt every month like I used to. I don't hurt in between cycles every month either. And as always there is a but. But my leg still hurts and my bones still hurt. I reported both at my last follow up visit and was referred back to my family doctor but I haven't made the appointment. I'm stalling. Again. But I feel my time back will be too soon. I also felt like every time I went to post something it was also negative. I was not necessarily a gripe but a post that would end up being a downer. That wasn't what I wanted. For now, let me bring you up to date.

Before I even got my freedom to drive two weeks after my surgery, Hubby had signed the kids up for church softball. Bryce and Belle were on an older youth team (but not the oldest) and Brady was on the younger youth team which also happened to be coach pitched. So for a while I was spending at least two nights a week in my chair at the softball fields watching practices and games. The kids were great helping carry my chair to the fields so that I didn't and had a blast playing the game. Brady's team went on to win their championship game.

I mentioned back in the winter that we came home from a basketball game to find a dog sitting under our carport. Well she never left and we finally named her Daisy. She has become a part of our home and I finally took a minute to take her picture and share her with you.Sorry for the poor quality of the picture. She is not a photogenic animal and I was using my cell phone. Two negatives when trying to take a picture. Unfortunately, my camera has officially bit the dust and I have not been able to get me another one and don't see one in the future. We'll see what happens.

Hubby has been trying since Christmas to get me a Himalayan kitten but the friend of ours that was breeding them had decided to stop. Then she decided to have a couple of more litters. So right after Mother's Day she sent him a message on facebook to let him know that she had a little boy, three months old that she had been unable to find a home for. She was willing to let him go for a small fortune as opposed to a huge fortune. Not that I'm saying he wasn't worth it. Just saying I've never been one to pay for a pet of any kind. Anyhoo, this is Sebastian: Yes his is as sweet as he looks. It took him some time to adjust to everyone but now he goes about his business without a second thought to anything or anyone around him.

Not long after we got him, school started. The end of July brought us to the kids back to school nights. Belle and Brady had their night first and were very pleased with their teachers and classmates. It was at their night that I found out the middle school had a new band director. Not only did they have a new band director that Bryce would be under but he was also a guy that I went to school with. A guy who happened to marry the girl who was my maid of honor! I was truly excited! Bryce and I went to his back to school night alone as Mom took Belle and Brady to a softball game. We toured the school, met his teachers and found our way to each and every class so that he would know what to do on the first day. Not only did he have a good friend of mine for a band director but his Social Studies teacher was also one of my teachers in elementary school so I felt a little better. Words cannot describe how nervous I was that first day. I think I was more nervous than he was. I couldn't help but wonder if he made it to his classes correctly and on time. He came home and reported a good day. Whew! With the start of school came the next round of running. Softball ended the first week of school but that brought us to the beginning of everything else. Football season started for Brady. His third game of the season will be tomorrow night, a make up game from where they were rained out a couple of weeks ago. Belle decided she did not want to cheer this year and still put up an argument to play football. I shot it down only for her to find out there are like three other girls playing this year. She was not happy with me. Bryce decided that he was not trying out for basketball but did try out for the fall baseball team. He was truly disappointed when he was cut on the first day. I felt sorry for him but was not as disappointed as he was.

Last week, Sebastian's Mom sent Hubby another message on facebook. She has decided that she has had her last litter of kittens and was looking for a good home for one of her mama cats and her kitten. I was up in the air over it. I had 3 kids, 3 dogs and 3 cats. I felt we were running good with the number three. But cats! I love cats! And I still ache for babies. So she gave us Abi who is two:

And Ginger who is 3 months old (she is the white one):

So we have Chi Chi, who is 4, Gracie who is 3 and Daisy which we don't know how old she is but figure she is an older dog. Then we have Zeus who is also 3, Callie 2, Abi 2, Sebastian 4 months and Ginger 3 months. Then don't forget the three children who are so close to being teens they can practically taste it, especially Bryce who turns 13 next month.

Oh and this past Friday? My baby turned ten! That is so not right! I tried all day to correct him but he insists that he is 10 and not 2. I went to school Friday morning and had breakfast with him. Then I met up with Hubby so he could take me to work and he could go back to school and have lunch with Brady (think I've failed to mention that my van is out of commission for the time being). Brady had a friend spend the night, rented movies, had pizza, cake and ice cream. We also got to put four sugared-up kids to bed fairly early for a sleep over since the friend's Mom had already made plans for Saturday that required him being picked up at 8.

That brings me up to this point. I'm pretty sure I've missed something in there and eventually will remember and bring it up. Now I'm going to get ready for bed so that I can start another week tomorrow. And hopefully I'll be back around soon for another post.

Freedom. Sort of.

Two weeks ago Monday, I was at the hospital at 6am. The next hour and a half seemed like the longest I have ever sat through. I was given a gown to change into, IV started, blood drawn, blood pressure taken and circulation socks placed up to my knees. Then Hubby was brought to the room. We waited. And waited. At 7:30, the doctor walked in and and within minutes I was wheeled away to the pre-op room. There I answered questions that I had already answered three other times, which is better than the alternative of no one knowing the answers. Then the anesthesiologist gave me something to "help me relax." The last thing I remember is them about to wheel me through a door. Then next thing I remember, I was being put into my room around 11am. According to Hubby, I was in surgery around 1 1/2 - 2 hours so that left another 1 1/2 - 2 hours in recovery. I had been given spinal morphine before I went into surgery and was still feeling the effects of it when I got to my room. Hubby came in while I was being hooked up to a bp machine, air hoses hooked up to my socks and had a monitor placed on my finger. When the room finally quietened down, I dozed off only to have alarms scream. They stopped when I came to. I dozed off two other times for them to scream again, only the last time they didn't stop until a nurse turned them off. Seems that my blood oxygen level was low, so I was placed on oxygen. Finally, I got to sleep.

A short while later, I woke to find a friend, TJ, coming into the room. She was coming to visit while Hubby was walking out the door to come get the kids. Not long after she got there, I complained to the nurse about my face itching. Itching so bad that my chin and neck were almost raw I had scratched them so bad. Because I don't respond to benedryl well, the nurse came back with stadol. By the time she was finished injecting it into my iv, I was almost asleep. TJ watched tv, while sending out messages to facebook about how she was with me while I was sleeping and seriously drugged. She was very amused with the whole thing.

TJ left later that afternoon and Hubby made it back with the kids about 5. They spent about an hour walking around the room, asking questions, and finally got antsy. Hubby left with them for the night and within 15 minutes a coworker walked in. Then my parents. Then the doctor. By the time everyone left at 7:30, I was itching again. At 8, I was dozing again after another dose of stadol. At 10, the night nurse came in, checked my bp and I turned off the tv for the night. At 1am, the nurse came back in again. My bp had been steady dropping throughout the day and at 10 was around 59/38. At 1, it had not dropped anymore but it had not gone up either. So she paged the dr and requested more fluids for me. Over the next hour, I had a liter of saline pumped into me with the nosiest iv pump in the hospital I think. At 2, my bp had come up slightly and I had blood drawn. Finally around 3, I got to get back to sleep only to be awakened at 6 by the morning shift coming on duty.

Tuesday was a lot of the same. I dozed off and on a good part of the morning. I had not been able to hold down much food and started the day off on the same foot. The doctor came back in on morning rounds and informed me that they were unhooking me from most everything and that I would be up walking soon. No more catheter. No more swelling socks. I was still hooked up to the iv but I could sit up in a chair. Until they gave me phenegren so that I could start holding down food. Again, I was almost asleep by the time the medicine was in. I held down some lunch and supper. I got up and walked around the corridors. At 6pm, my bp was 68/45 and I was being released. I was on my way home. I dozed off and on while on the couch until Hubby woke me long enough to go to bed.

Wednesday morning, I made my way to the couch. Every inch of me was swollen and sore but my stomach was not nearly as painful I expected to be. Unfortunately I had a killer headache. Every time I stood up or sat up my head would scream so I spent most of Wednesday dozing on the couch only getting up when I absolutely had to. That afternoon, we called the doctor and was told that they were adjusting my pain medication and that if I still had the headache on Thursday morning, they would bring me in. Thursday morning, I walked into my doctors office still in considerable pain. I had my finger pricked to check my platelet level, a head ct because I had been having nose bleeds and then was sent back over to the hospital for a blood patch. It seemed the site where the morphine had been administered did not close over properly and I was leaking spinal fluid every time I stood up which was the cause of my headaches. Over the next few hours, I had two liters of fluid one of which was full of caffeine. By the time I left, I was headache free. I was also done with my sleeping all day. From that point on, I had no problem staying awake for most of the day.

Over the last two weeks, I have been slowly improving. I have had a lot of help from Hubby and the kids. Some of the church family has brought over meals so that I didn't have to cook. I am moving around more, can sit for longer periods of time and walk a lot farther. According to the doctor, he found the beginning of endometriosis. I had cysts on both ovaries, which he removed the fluid from, and one of which was a lot larger than they had originally seen on my ultrasound. According to him, my uterus looked as though it had been shot with a shot gun from the number of areas in it where it did not replace the missing lining with new lining. Now I am on iron supplements and am feeling somewhat better. I was released to drive at my two week check up and return in four weeks for my final follow up. I was told that I can return to work (which I have) on a part time, light duty basis. If I decide that it is too much, then all I have to do is call and I'm off for the next four weeks. Luckily, I have a boss that doesn't argue when I call and say I'm just not up for it today as I did this morning.

Over the next few weeks, I will try to update as things progress. The kids are out of school for the summer and antsy to be out and about. They have been spending considerable time on the computer and playing wii while staying close to help me out. Bryce went to church camp this week for the first time ever. Tonight Belle and Brady are at my parents while I take the night off which allowed me to update this post. I am taking things one day at a time for the next few weeks so I will be back. Eventually.

Improving

I'm slowly on the mend. Emails are piling up. Facebook and blog are suffering. I did get some work finished today from home. As things improve, I'll start to post more...

Preparing

I've avoided blogging the last few weeks. Matter of fact, I haven't spent much time on the computer at all. Maybe 15 or 20 minutes here and there. Every time I went to put up a new post, I couldn't seem to get past the first sentence. And then it'd hang there until I'd go back and edit the post. Another first sentence to leave behind. I have decided that if I'm going to do any blogging any time soon, I had better be getting one up. Now. So here I am.

This time next week will find me in a hospital bed. I am to report for registration at 6am next Monday morning. I have gone from crying because I'm not ready for a hysterectomy to crying because the day cannot come soon enough. Some days are not bad. Others it takes everything I have to get through the work day before I come home and give up on the couch. I find myself nesting to get ready for what's to come. Today has been a good day. My kitchen is clean, laundry almost caught up, my furniture dusted and the pain has been sporadic meaning I can get things accomplished as long as I take a break in between tasks. I caught up on work at the office so that the mound that awaits me when I return isn't as bad as it could be. By the time I go to bed tomorrow, I hope to have my floors mopped, my carpets vacuumed and my laundry finished. One can always hope, right?

I also nest to avoid the obvious. Now is when I start to get anxious. I am facing an unknown and I am ready but I'm not. So I keep busy, as busy as possible, to keep from thinking. To keep from worrying. To keep from panicking. I long for this week to be over. For them to knock me out and be done and at the same time I long for this week to never end so I don't have to face my fears.

It's moving quickly. Too quickly, I'm afraid.

The kids are excited as they approach the end of the school year. By the end of next week, Bryce will be a middle schooler. He has finished band concerts for this year and is done with practices. Brady and Belle's final concert is tomorrow now. Actually, if Brady doesn't get sick again, it will be his first and final concert for this year. We shall see how this plays out. All three kids have done well this year and are moving up to the next grade levels, excited about what next year could bring for them. I look at these kids and wonder how did I get so lucky.

Yes, I'm sentimental. Or hormonal. Or both. There's no telling at this point. Don't be surprised if you see me and one minute I'm laughing and the next I'm crying. I am to that point as well.

Lord help my husband. He's going to have his hands full the next few weeks. I'm not afraid to admit that.

For now, I'm off to bed, hoping for dreamless, painless sleep. Got to be ready for more nesting, right?

To Tell Truth, the Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth

Today started off as a wonderful day. I stopped to get a drink at the local convenience store on my way to work when the lady I've seen then a million times asked me if I was on my way to school. She did a double take when I told her I was on my way to work.

"You don't look old enough to go to work," she said.

"I have three children."

"Nuh uh."

"My oldest is 12."

She was floored. Said she thought I was like 17 or 18. I told her I'd take it. I didn't realize then the affect her remark would have on me tonight.

I haven't been completely honest with you or with myself. Yes, I have got a serious case of baby-itis. Yes, I was on a heart monitor last week. Yes, there are plenty of people who saw Bryce baptised last weekend, including Ladybird's parents. But what I have failed to mention in my most recent posts is that I have been to see two doctors on three different occasions in the last week and a half and not one of them was my cardiologist. As a matter of fact, I have yet to see him or even hear those results. I have been in pain for the last three and a half weeks so I had appointments to have that checked when I had my heart checked. Today, I was given news.

Hysterectomy.

At 32.

I'm stunned. I've cried more tears than I have cried in a very long time. While I have never been opposed to the idea, especially if it meant that it would help take care of my migraines, I never believed that it would be a possibility at 32 years old. I never realized how strong my irrational hope is that one of those months where things went wrong it was because there was a baby, not because there was a problem. Yes I have three, healthy, happy, beautiful children and I am so thankful for them. Now the reality is the fact I have them is amazing. That still doesn't ease this blow. It doesn't change the fact that I am at that age where I should be having baby-itis not life altering surgeries.

Here in the very near future, I will be undergoing an MRI in preparation for the actual procedure. A requirement because I am apparently unique. Even my ultrasound tech asked me if I was tired of being an anomaly. Today I am. Tomorrow, we'll see. Tonight I'm numb as I process everything that I was told today and hope that tomorrow will show things in a new light.

Baptisms, Babies, and Wires

Yes, I admit, I did it. Again. I put up a post and was determined to put up another post. And another. And another!

And I failed.

Failed is such a harsh word. And I didn't. That's so much nicer.

I could bore you with the majority of the last few weeks. Get the kids ready for school. Go to work. Go home. Cook supper. Put the kids to bed. Go to bed. Rinse. Repeat.

So exciting, huh?

So we'll skip to the more recent stuff. Like baptisms. And babies. And wires.

This past Sunday, Bryce went up and wanted to be baptised. So this Sunday morning, he will be baptised at our home church. Given my history on the subject, I have mixed feelings. I am excited for him. I am relieved. I am jealous. I am, I am, I am so many things. But for him I will be happy.

After church, my neighbor (who is no longer my neighbor after selling her house) brought her new baby for me to see. New as in one week old. New baby smell. And little fingers and toes. Little nose and burps. Little yawns and little smiles. And that baby ache was back all over again. Little Little Man is the 4th baby that I know of born in the past two weeks.

Fourth.

Deep breathing does not help this ache. Spending time with them does but not when I have to give them up again. But listening to the newborn and the big brother cry in the car together does. A little. Sometimes.

I took this picture today while sitting at the office.

I was wired. Literally. Have I mentioned that my heart and I don't see eye to eye? That it likes to race when I am sitting down and doing absolutely nothing? It does and I really don't see why it feels the need to do this because I haven't done anything to it. But it continues to race. Finally, about six months ago, I got tired of it and went back to my doctor. He put me on some meds that haven't seemed to help one bit so I went back yesterday for my follow up. And I complained. So he wired me up. What you see is the wires attached to the electrodes stuck to my chest (that left marks that I figure will be there until this time next year) and the machine recording my heart rate that was nicely tucked in my back pocket. I haven't worn one of these darn things in 10 years and I was grateful when they took it off this afternoon. I had itches that were dying to be scratched. Next step?

A visit to the cardiologist.

Here in the next week or two, when my results come back from my monitor, I will go back to the clinic to meet my cardiologist. I thought I was ready for this step. I'm tired of being tired all the time. I'm tired of feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest. But I'm not so sure I'm ready for this step. Not like I have a choice but I can have an opinion, right? Or worries? More will come I'm sure as this part of my story unfolds, but today I could say I was wired.

Now I am going to jump back into my routine. The kids are in bed, the dishes are washing, the laundry is in the washer waiting for morning and I am joining the kiddos and going to bed. Sleeping while wired was just so much fun!

The View In My Chair

More information to come soon...

Wow! It's a Real Post! First Time in Months!

I've been sitting here glancing back at this screen trying to decide how to start. It's been so long since I've put up a real post that I have forgotten how! Do I start at the beginning and work my way through? Do I start at the most recent and work my way back? Do I start in the middle where my head usually ends up and try to make heads or tails of it? Decisions! So I figure my best bet is to download all the pictures I want to share and go from there. So here we go.

Football season and cheerleading came to an end right around the first of October. We had a little bit of "sibling" rivalry around that time as well. Callie was sitting there first and there was no way Zeus was going to let her have me all to herself!

Around the middle of October, we traveled to Indiana where we had pictures made of the kids. These are just a few of my favorites out of the 70 pictures that were taken.It turned off very cold up there that weekend so by the time we got to the pictures of all three kids together, they were freezing! Belle had been out of her coat the longest by that point so her smiles were a little "frozen". My sister-in-law trimmed up all their hair and fixed Belle's so that it would curl because those curls? Are natural! How I love that beautiful hair! When sister-in-law got done with her hair, Belle replied, "It's too poofy!" Belle hates the curly hair with a passion. So to pacify her, the front part was pulled back. It was still too poofy according to Belle but at that point my response was, "deal with it." No way was I going to straighten all those curls for pictures!

We had Belle's party the week before her birthday and me being me, I forgot to take pictures until the very end. By that point, the girls were burnt out on bowling and had moved onto other things. Here's Belle blowing out her candles.We ended up going to Mississippi at the end of October when Hubby's grandmother passed away. That meant Bryce's birthday celebration had to be postponed a week and the kids went trick or treating in Mississippi. Unfortunately, I couldn't find my camera so I have no pictures of the kids costumes. Brady was a ninja, Bryce was a grim reaper and Belle was a witch. The kids had a ball trick or treating and then went with Hubby, his sister and her boyfriend, aunt and cousin to their church for a Halloween festival. They went through a haunted trail, played plenty of games and came home with more stuff than any child needs!

Bryce was afraid that if he had a birthday party, no one would come so as an alternative I told him instead of picking out seven friends to invite, he could invite two people, we would go out for pizza and take everyone to a movie. He loved the idea, picked a couple of friends and we took them to see "A Christmas Carol" in 3-D. It was a great movie and the kids loved the visual effects! Hubby and I loved seeing the kids reaching out at the screen trying to catch falling snowflakes! Here's a picture of Bryce blowing out his candles with the family.The week football and cheerleading ended was the same week basketball team placements were held. Bryce is a 6th grader this year so he is playing on a sixth grade team with a coach that he had a couple of years ago. Belle was given the opportunity to play up on the 6th grade team this year and she jumped at the chance. She has the same coach she had last year. Brady is playing on a 4th and 5th grade team and also has the same coach as last year. One of my next tasks is to get a picture of them in their basketball uniforms because I have failed to that at this point. I really need to be doing that since this weekend is the last of their regular season games before tournaments start the following weekend!

Also in November, we lost our darling dog, Sophie. She had gotten to where she wasn't eating a whole lot and then suddenly she stopped eating at all. She stayed under my feet from the time she got up until the time I went to bed. Then I got up one morning and she was gone. Thankfully Hubby was here and had her buried before Brady got up because we knew that of all the kids he would be the one to be the most upset. She is greatly missed and I still haven't gotten out of the habit of calling for "Sophie, Gracie, Chi Chi!" Maybe I'll be able to adjust soon.

Thanksgiving was up in the air until the last minute. We picked up everything we needed to fix the meal but Mom was having minor surgery the day before so where we were having dinner was a toss-up. So the plan was that I would cook dinner at my house unless Mom was up to having company, then I would cook dinner at her house so she didn't have to get out. Thanksgiving morning I got the call that she was up for dinner, so to her house we went! I can't tell you when the last time it was that I cooked the majority of the Thanksgiving meal (Hubby fried the turkey this time) but we pulled it off without a hitch! Talk about a sigh of relief!

The time up until Christmas was crazy insane. The kids had six basketball practices each week and each one of them had an after school music lesson of some sort each week as well. Christmas week, the kids were out of school and Hubby didn't have to work so he stayed home with them while I worked. We spent most of Christmas Eve with Mom and Dad as well as my brother and his girlfriend. Christmas morning, the kids were up bright and early just waiting for their chance to see what they got.

I had two New Years resolutions. One was to be in bed when the new year began. The second was to sleep in the next morning. I'm proud to say that I kept both of my resolutions for the first time ever! I am definitely going to have to try to have these same types of resolutions every year so that they are easy to achieve and not so devastating when I don't. You have to aim high, you know!

And let me tell you how this work thing has been keeping me crazy busy. We had the pictures of the kids made in October and I just got three of them up on the wall last week! It took me three months to get those three pictures into frames! I still haven't gotten one up on the wall of the three of them together yet nor have I framed the ones that I had printed for my desk at the office. I have been running so much with the kids and work that even the animals are stressing. Here's Zeus giving me lovin' this past weekend.He was so excited to be able to spend time with me! I didn't think I was ever going to get him to let me up.

Saturday morning, Brady had to be at my former elementary school for a game while Bryce had to be at their school for his game within an hour of each other. So Hubby to Bryce to his game and I took Brady to his. When Brady and I got home, we found this dog sitting on the carport step. Like she lived here!I got out of the car and she met me slowly trying to decide if she could trust me. When she figured out she could, she thought she should come in! We left her outside that day because we were still running for Belle's ballgame hoping that maybe someone would come around looking for her. We put food and water down for her but she still wanted in every chance the door was opened. Finally Sunday we felt sorry for her and let her inside. Called the animal shelter Monday and left my name, checked the lost and found in the paper and checked craigslist. No such luck. She is now inside, thinking that she is queen and that she belongs on the couches and beds. She is a sweet dog, doesn't care if Gracie and Cheech bother her and she ignores the cats. She loves the kids and is fully house trained! It breaks my heart to think that someone could've dropped such a sweet girl!

That brings me to right now. I am currently waiting on Belle to go to bed so that I can go to bed. While this new dog is sweet, she is also stubborn because she likes to scratch at the side of the bed to see if I'm going to give in and let her up in my bed. Not going to happen but still keeping me from sleeping a good nights sleep until she realizes that I'm going to win this battle! I have also decided that since it seems that the dog is going to be staying around for a while, that she needs a name. I like the sound of Daisy for her and Belle agrees so she may be becoming a Daisy in the very near future. Now that the kids are all in bed, finally, I am going to join them at 9pm. And maybe it won't take me near as long to get my next post up. Maybe.